How Military Life Changes You

Before I met my husband I liked to think I was relatively in tune with who I was as a person. Fun fact: I wasn’t. At all.

Marrying the military (because let’s face it, your relationship with the Army ends up being more demanding than the relationship with your spouse) taught me a lot about myself and better still, inspired me take a good hard look at my weaknesses and change a little.

How Militray Life Changes You

Change? Yeah, yeah. “A leopard never changes his spots”, “once a …. , always a ….” and all those other bitter, overused phrases. Well I call BS on that. I think people are so conditioned into thinking that change or personal growth is beyond the realm of attainability that they have become utterly relentless in their views. Well sorry Mr. Pessimist but personal growth is a realistic and achievable concept! If we’re the first to point out someone changing in a negative sense, why can’t we acknowledge the positive?

BEST PROJECT IS YOU

5 Ways Military Life Changes You

Flexibility

Are you someone like me who likes to have a plan? You are? Great. Well forget it. In the military it’s almost impossible to plan the time you can sit down to dinner let alone a date or a trip away. All this is dependent on your significant others’ particular  job of course but in this life flexibility is a must. Having a vision of what you want to do is fine but carefully executed plans rarely come to fruition which often leads to disappointment. Some people fly by the seat of their pants and are perfectly fine living day to day. I, however, like to plan things to a tee and unfortunately to cope with this, it is often best for me to fear the worst case scenario rather than feel deflated, daily. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea and probably not the healthiest coping mechanism but I’ve found myself a lot less disappointed and better again, a lot less angry.

Adaptability

If your service member is a ‘lifer’ (20+ year military career) then it is a given that you will probably move tens of times throughout your marriage. No mean feat! Even if you are associated with the military for a short time then the chances of living in three or four different places is realistic. Moving so often is NOT easy, aside from the usual moving headaches it creates obstacles concerning the education of your children, the length of your career (or if you’ll even be able to have one), the quality of  your relationships to name but a few. You’ve got to be able to pack up and move your life in a very short time period and there’s also the possibility of a short-notice deployment in which you very suddenly find yourself spouse-less and/or a single mother for many months.

Strength

It’s pretty obvious from what I’ve mentioned above that being strong isn’t a choice in the military. It’s an absolute necessity.

We’re all human though. Do we have ridiculous moments of weakness where we cry in our driveways  because it’s late at night, the dog has stepped in his own poop and is so terrified of the hose you’re trying to wash his paw with so unsuccessfully that you then think he’s choking because you’re pulling so hard on his collar to get him to STAY STILLLLLLLL and you only have two hands?

Yes that happens. Or so someone told me….

Gratitude

The harder my life has become as a result of being involved with the military, the greater the appreciation I have for everything, really.  My surroundings, my family, my friends, all of the wonderful things I am fortunate to have like my own home and the ability to travel extensively. It changes your view of what matters. Being grateful for the smallest things is a blessing that comes from the darker moments when you feel the worst you ever have in your whole life.

Knowing What’s Important

None of us are invincible, this we know but military life is sobering. The value of supportive family and friends is a lesson learned immediately. Most people on any military installation are nowhere near their families and so friends become just as important. Not having a support system nearby is extremely tough and the friends you will make along your military journey can be friends for life. On the other hand, military towns can be some of the trashiest and most dramatic places you will find yourself. Unless you’re that way inclined, stay out of this. It will do nothing for your happiness and you won’t find friends or genuine support in these people. I highly recommend making new friends but thread carefully until you’re comfortable trusting them.

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE

Being the spouse of a service member undoubtedly changes you. I simultaneously love and hate every second of this journey but if given the choice, I wouldn’t change a thing. It truly is the making of who I am.

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  • I really love this post. I haven’t had any experience with the military so I can’t relate but thank you for sharing this.

    Ami xxx

  • I had a friend whose dad used to work in the army and they moved about six or seven times until he left service. It is demanding and you have to be committed to the relationship.

  • I think I *could* do something like this, but being patient and understanding at the expense of my [selfish] benefit is not a forte of mine. I would like to think that if I were in this situation I would rise above… but right now I can just applaud you! I just hope you feel as appreciated as I know you deserve (from both your husband AND the military!)

    • I can be very selfish. Who isn’t? But you live and learn. Thank you so much for the kind words 🙂

  • I’m so impressed that’ve kept this up for so long. I’m not sure how I’d cope with this sort of life but the things you do for love eh?!

  • I think it’s very brave of you, I know military service is very though and your husband must be away a lot of time. However, I also heard that military couples are the ones that stay together for all their life, because of the bond and the support that creates between them.

  • Thanks for this lovely post and a great insight in the life of military and family and so on . My son in law is in the Navy , I know it can be very hard , I am always happy if he doesn’t get send out .He has served in Afghanistan a few years ago , for 6 months . It was a horrible time , always hoping that he will come back , and that he will come back healthy ! I do have a huge respect for any soldier ! Wishing you all the Best , god bless !

  • The human nature, by its very being, is not rigid or stationary. We are an ever moving creature of habit, but still our habits are not set in stone. It’s only the desire for change that keeps us still.

  • Woah. I once had a boyfriend who also serves in the military. But after months of no communication, I gave up. It was really hard and it will really take a lot of patience and faith, of course.

  • I have a friend who is currently in the military and have not catch up with him for quite some time but I’m pretty sure he’d already adapted those traits.

  • I too am like you and absolutely love to have a plan ha ha. I would find this so difficult! Kudos to you for being able to adapt and support your other half. Thanks for the post, Loved getting a little insight into the military wife life. xx

  • Thank you for this post. I’ve recently started dating someone in the service and it is difficult to grasp, but I am slowly learning.I admire anyone who has a spouse in the military and can do the long distance relationship…because it’s tough especially when you have children involved.

  • I don’t think I could do it! I like to plan too much! Not to mention all of my friends who have been virtually single mothers because their husbands have been deployed! I thank him for his service and applaud you for standing by him.

  • My dad served as an officer for over 20 years in the Air Force. He went in right when he and my mom got married and got out when I was about 12 (they had me a little later). My parents always made moving seem like a big adventure when I was a kid, and even though they liked seeing new places, they’ve recently told me just how hard it is. People don’t know what military spouses and families go through! Thank you both for your service and hang in there lady ?

    • I definitely understand why they played the “we’re going on a big adventure” game! Even to a child, the moving can be extreme and the more means of creating normalcy, the better!The moving is difficult but for me the separation is the killer. It’s very hard to maintain any form of intimacy in a relationship when even conversing is rare. It takes a LOT of work, commitment and sacrifice despite feeling like you get nothing in return. Thank you, dear 🙂

  • Thank you for sharing! My husband just went in to the Army the beginning of October. He’s 19 I’m 22 and I don’t really know what I’ve gotten myself in to, lol. But this really broadened my mind to what’s to come and I’m still so nervous and excited for this thing we call life!

  • Thank you for sharing this info. I’m not a military wife but I am a truckers wife and can relate to some of this. I was like a single mother, we moved a few times, and I would make plans with the kids and at the last minute have to change them bc dad was coming home. He still is a truck driver 24 yrs later and we are still together. He is gone anywhere from a week to a month, ususally a week or two before he comes home for a couple of days. The key to staying strong is trust and love. Now we have become military parents and seeing our youngest son graduate from basic training and being away from him has made me see things differently with our military men and women. I adapted to being a truck driver’s wife. I will adapt to be the best Army mom for my 2 sons and 1 daughter.
    Stay strong and turn to God. God Bless those who are serving our country.
    Michele

  • My boyfriend is currently in training for the army (infantry) i feel so happy for him but reading this makes me wonder , will we make it thru . im 22 years old so im confused.

    • It’s a choice really. With the military, it’s be flexible or not. It’s very difficult. I don’t say any of that lightly or mean to be abrasive. I spent years crying and trying to fight it but the Army owns them and you’re along for the ride or not. You’ve got to think about what’s best for you and what you want from life.

  • Love this post! My husband and I were dual military, both from military families. Your life is not just changed while you/significant other or both are in, it can be affected for generations (fathers were in Vietnam). It takes a strong person to be able to roll with the punches and stay. I applaud you and your efforts.